Wait... What? Whisky?

I love whisky. If its made from a grain and put in a barrel (no aged vodkas, thanks), chances are I'll take to a bottle of it with relish and a reckless abandon unseemly for someone whose job hinges on serving alcohol responsibly. Be it a small-batch bourbon, smoky single malt or bonnie blend, I'll hold it in the highest regard. Japanese or canadian, Irish or Australian i'll have it neat and make it a double. It's because of my passion for whisky that I'm often caught off-guard whilst behind the stick by people placing the most innocuous of orders. Asking for a whisky and coke, or a single-malt scotch. What are they asking me for? A whisky and coke, even with rail spirits, could be any one of several bottles. Do they want bourbon? Tennessee? Canadian? Scotch? And how hollow is the request for a single-malt. Again, the options are almost limitless (depending on your backbar). What is it about whisky that makes it so confusing?

Even as a blossoming bartender, it took me a long time to wrap my head around the world of whisky. I read dozens of definitions and explanations behind terms like 'single-malt' and 'small-batch', spent hours trying to understand the blending processes of Canadian whisky and knocked my head against the wall trying to understand what made a Tennessee whisky different from a bourbon. Now, years on, I realise that the people I serve week in, week out, have the same level of knowledge as me when I first walked behind a bar. They might not know what makes them different, but they might just be passionate enough to learn.

So! Fie, I say, to the confusion surrounding my favourite dram. In an effort to reach those youngsters jumping at the gate trying to understand whisky, a thorough and easy to understand explanation of what whisky is.

Single Malt Scotch
I think the easiest way to explain the major differences between whiskies is just what they are made from. All whiskies are made from beer (Yes! Carlton Draught stole their "Made from beer" marketing campaign from hundreds of years of whiskymaking).

Pictured: Thieves

The flavour of the whisky is determined from the sort of beer made. Single Malt scotch is made from barley beer - essentially the lager you drink every weekend. The term 'malt' in 'single malt' refers to malted barley, which is barley that has started to sprout. This sprouting is just a way for the whisky makers to get more alcohol out of the beer they brew, and hence, more whisky. The term 'Single' means that the whisky in the bottle came from a single distillery. String'em together, and you get:

The whisky in this bottle is made entirely from sprouted barley grains that was distilled in one distillery only.

Easy, huh? That is single malt whisky in a nutshell. Outside of the nutshell, there is a world of differences. There are a total of 93 malt whisky distilleries in Scotland, and every distillery makes a completely unique whisky. There are similarities between the styles of whisky made, however, and they are grouped together into categories based on the way they taste.

Speyside
These delicious little badboys are typified by 'honey and heather' characteristics. You know that nice sweet flavour you get across your tongue when you sip a bit of Glenfiddich? That's speyside. The big names like Glenfiddich, The Glenlivet and Macallan are all speyside whiskies. Nice and approachable, but each one differring whilst retaining the honey and heather flavours. There are more distilleries in the speyside region than any other, so you have a lot to choose from.

Islay
Islay (pronounced eye-la) whiskies are almost the polar opposite of speyside whiskies. Think of the nice smoky flavour left in your mouth after sipping on Johnnie Walker Black. That's Islay. These whiskies are all very pungent smelling, full on flavour experiences. Typically said to smell of peat or smoke (peat is coal that hasn't had the opportunity to solidify under pressure yet. It's all over Scotland, and the scots used it as firewood), some bottlings can leave you feeling like you have managed to drink a glass of forest fires. These whiskies have historically been considered a conosuers choice, however many younger drinkers are finding they have a weakness for a smokey scotch (not a bad thing at all). Laphroigh, Bowmore and Ardbeg are all Islay scotches, and all worth a try.

I'll quickly take a second to explain how scotches get that classic smokey flavour. While malting (getting the barley to sprout), the barley grains are soaked with water to trick the grain into thinking its time to start growing. They then start to convert all their saved starches into sugars for the plant to use as energy to grow into a big barley stalk of its very own. Sugar is what we get alcohol from, so the more sugars instead of starches that are available to be turned into booze, the better. After a few days of starting to grow, however, the plant will start to use the sugar it converted. This is stopped by heating the grain up and evaporating all the moisture present inside. This will trick the seed into going dormant again. Back in the old days, this heating process was done in big kilns, and it was the smoke that would dry out the grains, not the flame. Because the barley was exposed to the smoke, it would take on a little of the flavour (sort of like the way that your clothes always seem to end up smelling of cigarettes after a night out whether or not you smoke). The fire that they used to smoke the grain was fuelled by peat. Nowdays, only a few distilleries still do any of their own malting, for the most part they just buy their barley pre-malted from commercial maltsters.

Lowland
There aren't too many lowland scotches available these days, so if you get a chance to try one give it a go. Lowland scotches are historically similar to Irish whisky - they are nice, light and floral. The big flavour factors with lowland whiskies are grassy and floral notes with little or no smoke to them at all. If you just keep in mind that its going to be less of an intense flavour than a speyside, you'll be fine. The only really easy to find lowland whisky is Glenkinchie (although there are others. Try the Aucentoshan triple wood if you get the chance).

Highland
The highlands whiskies show alot of diversity (not surprising considering this 'region' covers half of the country!). The light, fruity Glenmorangie is drastically different from the cereal and orange driven Oban. The highland region is the 'misc' pile of distilleries that didn't fit into any other specific style. By and large, however, they aren't as smokey as Islays but smokier than a lowland; still have heather and honey flavours but not as pronounced as speysides and don't have the oily weight of Campbletown whiskies.

Campbletown
Campbletown was at one point the whisky capital of scotland. No so, anymore, unfortunately. The easist Campbletown malt whisky to find on the shelf is the Springbank 10yr old. Campbletown whiskies are stylistically nice, heavy, oily textured whiskies with a bit of a tickle of smoke to them. These are my favourite whiskies to match with a cigar on a balcony somewhere, Denny Crane style.

Islands
The islands are similar to the highland whiskies, in that they all show very different characteristics. The consistent theme, however, is their marine notes. Most of the island whiskies show hints of salt or brine which is a consequence of the whiskies ageing in warehouses close enough to the sea that the salt-laden winds gently sink through the barrel's pores while the whiskies age. The two big players in this region are Tallisker- a delicious, oily, iodiney, stonefruity whisky and Highland Park - a floral and slightly smokey drop.

Blended Scotch
Blended scotches are, by and large, probably what you think of when someone mentions scotch. Johnnie Walker, Chivas, J&B, Ballantines - these are all blended whisky. What sets a blended whisky and a single malt whisky apart is the blending process. Where single malt whiskies do indeed get blended, they are only blended with whiskies from the same distillery. Blended whiskies get constructed with whiskies from potentially dozens of different distilleries, including whisky from a grain distillery (not malt whisky distillery) that makes whisky from either wheat or corn. If there is an age statement on the bottle (as in Chivas 12yr), every whisky included in the bottle will be at least 12 years old, including the grain whisky. The reason that grain whisky was originally added to malt whiskies was to make a lighter style of tipple that could be appreciated by people unused to the strong flavours of malt whiskies.

The cool thing about blended whiskies is the complex products that can be constructed. A couple of speyside whiskies, the touch of an islay for smoke, a splash of an island whisky across a light, grain whisky pallette and voila! A whisky that would have been unachievable through distillation alone. Blended whiskies are often pooh-poohed, considered inferior in quality to a malt, but think of it like this. Millions of cases of blended whiskies are sold every year, much, much more whisky than any one malt whisky distillery could produce. Whilst considering that, also consider that most malt distilleries only sell a small amount of their whisky as a single malt - the bulk of it gets sold to blenders. The blended whisky market keeps single malt distilleries alive, and when you consider that bottles like Johnny Walker Blue and Chivas Regal 25yr old are both blended whiskies, you'll understand my point. Blended whiskies are the unsung heroes of the scotch whisky market.

Vatted Whiskies
This particular category is quite small within scotch, but it is worth mentioning briefly. Vatted whiskies are blended whiskies without the grain whisky. Or another way of saying it, they are single malt whiskies from several distilleries blended together. They can no longer be called single malt (remember that bit about being from a single distillery?), so they a called vatted malts instead. Johnnie Walker Green is probably the most popular vatted whisky.

Japanese Whiskies
Despite the apparent incongruity, I'm going to follow up talking about Scotch whisky with Japanese whisky. A fairly new arrival on the whisky market (they've been producing whisky since 1923), Japan produces some fantastic tasting whiskies. They are, for the most part, fairly light, unpeated (or not smokey) whiskies with a floral sweetness and a hint of spice. Japan produces both single malt whiskies such as Yamazaki and Hyakku and also have a single blended whisky on the market named Hibiki. If you think of Japanese whisky as another region of scotch, I wouldn't judge.

So! That for the most part is Scotch whisky and its little brother Japanese whisky. I've got more to go up, but for now, pour yourself three fingers of Ardbeg with some cracked pepper and a side of cheese (I call it a Burgundy) and enjoy!

The man has a point.